can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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