in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
