The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
