my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
