so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
