gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
