My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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