the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
