Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
