i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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