And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
