how can u be prego again
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
