Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
