his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
