If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
