that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
