I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
