I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
