How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
