I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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