So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
