Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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