Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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