so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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