she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
