I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
