i was born a porn star she said
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
