Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
