Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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