Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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