cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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