Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
