I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
