Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
