I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
