I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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