I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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