dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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