$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
