Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
