What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
