the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
