I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
