i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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