I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
