Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
