Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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