the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i think my cat just said my name.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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