Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
