Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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