I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
