it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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