At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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