did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
